It's Too Late for This
by mugglelady
Summary: After the war, Hermione believes she and Ron can finally be happy together. Ron, on the other hand, begins to pull away.


_**It's Too Late for This**_

We stayed at Hogwarts for two days after the Final Battle. In those two days, Ron and I were inseparable. We helped each other grieve for those lost, and we tried to help Harry as much as possible. Things changed the moment we disapparated from the Hogwarts grounds. The Burrow had become home to me, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley neither said or did anything to make me feel unwelcome.

Ron, on the other hand, did not make me feel as such. As soon as we landed outside the gate, he locked himself up in his attic room, and didn't come out all day – not even to eat. I kept myself busy enough, helping Mrs. Weasley with the household chores. Six days after arriving, Ron had still not spoken to me. He had done a marvelous job at avoiding me all together actually. We were rarely in the same room as each other, and we were never alone.

Harry, Ginny, and Mr. Weasley all tried to talk to him, but he would just tell them to mind their own business. I didn't know what to think. What had I done to change his mind so quickly about us? The day before Fred's funeral, I had finally reached my limit. I found Ron in the kitchen early that morning eating breakfast with his parents and Harry.

"Ron?" He looked up at me, seeming surprised I was actually speaking to him. (It wasn't as if I hadn't been trying.) "May I speak with you outside, please?"

I saw him swallow his food slowly, trying to come up with a way to avoid me. "Not now, Hermione. I have to finish breakfast so I can degnome the garden."

"Nonsense, dear," chimed in Mrs. Weasley. "Go speak with Hermione. You two have barely had any time together since we got back." _Thank you, Mrs. Weasley!_ I resolved to give her a big hug later.

I grabbed Ron's hand complete with fork and napkin and pulled him from the table and out the door. Once I felt we were far enough away from the house, I turned to face him. "RONALD WEASLEY! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I began to hit him on his arms and chest much like I had when he returned to Harry and me on the horcrux hunt.

Ron grabbed for my flailing arms, managing to catch one. "OI, WOMAN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME?" He seized my other hand and held it tight.

I continued to struggle away from his grasp to no avail. He really was much too strong for me. I knew I was fighting a losing battle, but I wasn't about to give him the satisfaction. "Because you haven't spoken to me in almost a week, that's why! I thought we had finally sorted out this…_us_ thing, and I tried to give you some space when we got back here, but you seem intent on avoiding me."

At this announcement, Ron's hold loosened, and I broke free. "It's too late for us, Hermione!" His voice was harsh, almost a whisper, and his eyes pointed at the ground.

I bent down to try to regain eye contact. Ron only turned around to face away from me. "Nonsense, Ron. What do you mean it's too late? Why would you say that?"

"Because we can't…we just can't do this – not now."

"Why? I will not accept this until you give me a valid reason." _What is wrong with now? What did I do to make you hate me? I swear, if that Lavender Brown got to him, I will cut off that blonde hair of hers while she sleeps!_

"Look at what's happened! The rest of the wizarding world may be celebrating the downfall of Voldemort, but some of us are mourning. Fred is dead, and nothing and no one can bring him back. If I hadn't gone gallivanting around England…maybe things would be different."

Of course. I guess I had expected Ron to blame himself at some point, but I figured he would talk to me about it, not run away completely for six days…and definitely not rescind on any promises he had made me. I wanted him to take all the time he needed to be with his family and to mourn Fred's death. But why would he take it this far? "Wha- Ron I know-" I was quickly interrupted.

"No, stop. I spent almost a whole year running after you and Harry looking for nasty soul pieces when I should have been home…taking care of my family. Maybe if I hadn't gone, things would have been different. Maybe Fred would still be alive, and George wouldn't be a zombie. Maybe I'd be the one who died instead. That's how it should have been anyway." _NO! NO! NO!_

"NO! Stop it right there! I will NOT have you blaming yourself or belittling your role in this war. You did take care of your family. You took care of them by helping to take down the darkest wizard of all time. There is nothing you could have done to stop what happened to Fred, or anyone else for that matter."

"Hermione, you don't know that for sure." I might not have known that, but I did know how much it meant to Harry and me to have him around.

Regardless, I said, "I do know that. Did it ever occur to you that you kept Harry and me alive all those months? Do you know what it was like when you were gone and we had to face Voldemort all alone at Godric's Hollow?"

"Don't say his name!"

"Why not? He's gone…and besides, you did just a moment ago." I watched Ron's face change for a moment to amazement as he realized what I'd said was true. It was probably the first time he had EVER said Voldemort's name.

"Well…that's not the point. I don't know how to make it up to you for leaving you and Harry. I've apologized over and over, and I've promised to NEVER do it again-"

My stomach leapt up to my throat. I couldn't breathe for a fraction of a second. "You're doing it now!" He was running from me in much the same way he had all those months ago, and my heart was threatening to wrench itself from my chest. I couldn't take it. I sat down and put my head between my knees. I was determined to not cry, but I could not control myself from hyperventilating.

Ron sat down next to me and looked unbelievably hurt. "No, I'm not leaving you. I'm just stopping anything before anyone gets hurt too bad is all."

"Too badly, Ron. And what makes you think anyone will get hurt by our relationship?"

"Look at us!" He gestured between the two of us, "It's bound to happen! One day, you'll wake up and realize how bloody wonderful you are and how much of a blubbering idiot I am, and then you'll break it off with me. I just hope it happens before we get married and have a bunch of kids."

At this, I couldn't help myself. The tears threatening to escape my eyes were replaced with the urge to laugh. "Why are you laughing? I don't think broken hearts are especially funny."

"I'm not laughing at your hypothetical broken heart, Ron. I'm laughing because you have obviously thought about our having a future together – a future involving marriage and-and kids no less." Ron put his face in his hands to hide the blush that was rapidly creeping up his face.

"Right, and how is this not laughing at me?" _Does he really not understand how much I need and want him? _Everything was beginning to become clear.

"Believe me. I'm laughing more out of nervousness than mirth. Here you are, telling me you don't want a relationship with me because of everything that's happened and how you think I'm going to run off on you. Yet, you still manage to imagine a future with me. You really don't understand how much I need you, how much I have always needed you." I took his hands away from his face, willing him to look at me for a change.

He looked confused to say the least and to my dismay defeated. "You're right, Hermione. As usual, I don't understand." It was my turn to look defeated.

"Ron, you don't know what it was like when you were gone." The words came out as a mere whisper, but I was sure he heard them. He opened his mouth to apologize again. I cut him off before he could. "Don't start – I forgave you completely a long time ago. When you were gone, it was like a part of me was gone. I didn't know where that part was, if it was alive or safe." I wasn't able to hold back the tears any longer. "I kept telling myself that it would pass, but it never did, and when you came back I was whole again. I only continued to act angry because I wanted you to feel like I did, like a part of you was missing. If you had…died…I don't think I would have lasted very long."

The comprehension reached his eyes so suddenly, I thought he was going to cry too. "I did feel like that." He reached up a tentative hand to brush my tear-stained cheeks.

"You did?"

"Yeah, the second I left. I don't think I realized what it was until you said it just now, but I know that's what it was."

"Then…why wait any longer? We've been dancing around this for years now, and I think it's time to be honest with each other. You know what I want. What do you want?"

"I want you - a real relationship with you." My heart now threatened to jump out of my chest for a completely different reason.

"Alright…you know, we don't have to…move fast or anything. I'll wait for you to get over Fred. I just…I didn't want you to give up on us before we even got started." I snuggled into his chest and was reminded of just how much I loved being so close to him. I felt safe.

He snaked his arms around me and simply said, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just be you."


End file.
